What are some of your symptoms because you don’t look sick?

This is something that I wrote a long time ago, and featured it on my website Chris Allred Design (http://chrisallreddesign.com) and still feel as though it is still very relevant:

That is a big question and unfortunately different versions of that same question get asked to lots of people living with MS on a daily basis.
It’s not the flu, it is not always that obvious to see, and don’t worry it’s not contagious. I am happy to report that people living with this disease live long enriching lives, with the added benefit of having huge stumbling blocks thrown in the way in an attempt to keep you from getting from here to there. No one said life was easy, it just happens that some of us take a little longer getting to where we need to go. The person who first came up with that old proverb of not taking the easy road must have had Multiple Sclerosis, because every day is a struggle. I’m not dying and so it is easy for me to stay positive based on the fact that there are worse diseases out there. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely hate MS, but I would rather have it then something worse, and so that makes me lucky. There is no cure, and the symptoms vary from person to person, and strangely enough the symptoms vary in the same person based on if it’s Tuesday or not (Tuesday has nothing to do with it…it was a joke based on MS is a disease without reason).
Personally, most of my symptoms come and go, lasting a few days to a few weeks depending on how long they choose to last (I have no say in it). However, there are a couple of things that are always present no matter what, and those are fatigue and an excruciating pain in my hands and feet. I’m not going to bore you (nor do I choose to share) with all of the symptoms that I have had over the last few years, but I will say that my biggest frustrations are mental and physical.
My absolute biggest frustration is getting my body and mind to work together. Examples:

1. I know what I want to say, but I can’t get it out. So I either look lost for words or unsure of myself.
2. Motor functions, as in I know what I want to do and how something should work, but my hands don’t always agree; like using the mouse, using the keyboard, writing, picking up things, holding on to things, etc., etc., etc.
3. Mental pause, as in my brain seems to take a break. It happens a lot and I know it’s happening, but I can’t do anything about it. I just stop! Stop thinking, stop speaking, stop moving; everything seems to shut down (except of course for all of the involuntary stuff like breathing and blood pumping through my heart). It last from a few seconds to a few minutes, and I am aware of it, but I can’t explain it.

My second biggest frustration is coordination. Examples:

1. Falling down is a huge concern. I have done it, I have been hurt by it, and there is a fear of serious injury depending on where it happens or what I may hit on the way down.
2. Legs not working properly, as in they sometimes like to give out; sometimes I know about it (as it has been going on for a while), and sometimes it is brief and without warning.

I am a stubborn kind of guy, and so I don’t let it beat me. I gave in and bought a cane a while back though, but I refuse to use it because I don’t want to be labeled. I should have been using it for a long while now, but can’t seem to do it. It is all about baby steps, and I’m on step 2.

1. Step 1 – Admitting you need assistance.
2. Step 2 – Buy a cane.
3. Step 3 – Use the cane.